Wilderness Days

I'm drawn back to Hosea 2 today. I'd post it, but it's long. So just go read it. I feel stuck in verses 1-13, awaiting the rest of the chapter where God speaks to me tenderly and lets me call Him My Husband. But here I am in a place of constant loss of the things that war with my desire for God. It's a good thing, I guess, to be stripped bare and humiliated as your sin is laid out for all to see. I've been listening to a few new songs and a running theme is that God is relentless, not giving up until He has everything. Also an all consuming fire. He wants it all. And until He's got it, He'll keep burning and refining as painful as it may be.
I'm at the end of me today. It's a day of dreariness as I look out at the sunless sky and in my own heart things are kinda dead. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm just stressed out. But what if maybe I'm letting hope die? I've blogged recently about hoping in the Lord and letting that be our hope cuz God is faithful to fulfill that hope. But, today, I'm not feeling it. At each mention of God being present I find myself scoffing inside asking "Really? God, You're here, in this?" What hurts even more is that He is the one orchestrating what I feel is unnecessary pain and toil. But I know God's character - He is Sovereign meaning His hand is in this and He loves me so there must be reason. I just hope it will be understood before I waste away in anger and bitterness.