Sick Cycle Carousel

Here we go again. So reminiscent of the time years ago when I said, "My way!" The human desires lurk around the edges of my mind, invading my consciousness and birthing unquenchable thirst for what I cannot have. Temptation is not new to me, but this - this I cannot ignore and place in the palm of God as He would have me do. I cannot expose this. I cannot pray through this. In fact, I cannot even say I do not want it. Instead, I covet the thoughts and feed on the feelings. I turn away from what I know to be good and embrace what is sick and deluded. In it all though, my greatest fear and source of hopelessness is that I want this more than God right now. In honesty, I say that. And let's be real for once in our lives, we have all been here - where something, anything seems better than what He would have for us at this moment. But how do you remember His goodness in the midst of this?

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"
~Psalm 27:13-14 (ESV)