Greener Grass?

In Genesis 3, mankind falls. Sorry if I ruined the story for you... But, I was reading the story of how it went down and I saw myself standing there. Innocent as Eve and then the serpent comes along.
"Evening Cassandra. Lovely night, huh? So, what was it God said you shouldn't have? Oh, those thoughts? Those feelings? Hmm, yeah, He did say something about lust and coveting, didn't He? Well, didn't He also say something about it not being good for man to be alone? I mean, wouldn't He want you to be with someone? And if so, wouldn't it be better to understand what that might be like when it happens? He doesn't want you to be lonely, right?"
And so, I fall for it. Again. And I recognize the debris left by the destructive thought patterns and the misplaced hope and I conclude that I am unlovable truly and weak beyond help. Indulging in what I hope is greener grass, turns into burnt chaff in the wind once again. And I am left with nothing.

So, my general conclusion up to this point in my life is to let the shame and lies wash over me until I come to a place of despair so dark I can't help but get stuck in the undercurrent of sin that has pulled me in. But today? Today is a new day with new mercies and I am gonna claim that over myself in lieu of the pity party turned sinfest I usually partake of. No, today I am going to remember the promise God has given me of new life, new creation in Jesus. I am putting on that new nature and starving the old. If I stop feeding the lie, it will die. Eventually. So today the nourishing and coddling of my secret sin stops. It will die soon because I have a God who wants me to know joy and peace and restoration. I love a Man who loved me enough to take my guilt for me and give me new life. And, gosh darn it, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to live fully. So, today I choose life instead of death. Blessings instead of curses. And today, I will stand firm because it is God who is strong in my weakness...