These walls are good..

I am currently reading this fabulous book called "Undressed". Yes, yes-it is a Christian singles book on how to get a date. No-actually, it's not about that. It's about our relationship with God. Really, isn't that relationship ultimately the Big One? But here's the thing. There's this story about what to do when you get lost. Apparently when we were kids we were told what to do. I have never had this conversation with my parents but that is another blog entirely. You are supposed to stay put when you get lost. Just stop where you are so that those who love you can find you. If you start moving around, even though you think you are helping, you are just making it harder for them to find you. The author equates this to our struggling with finding love. I see this on two levels really but let me elaborate. The concept being addressed is this: instead of being passively moving, be actively still. Can you remember the last time you were honestly still? I have been trying it over the last few days. Just sitting in the presence of God and being. not asking. not crying. not singing. Just being. It's weird. We get so caught up in doing for God we forget to BE with God. Yes-we should do what God has called us to do, but we can't fill anyone else unless we are filled. I was recently at a conference where they were using the story of the ten virgins as a picture of Christians today. 5 were fully prepared, they had their lamps and extra oil. 5 were foolish and brought only their lamps. When the time came that the 5 foolish ran out of oil, the 5 wise would not give them any of their oil. I used to think this was so mean. Why wouldn't you share!? But here's the fact, if we continue to pour out and pour out, eventually we need to refill. If we unwisely forget to bring more oil (forget to get filled ourselves) we will all end up in the dark.

Okay, that wasn't what I wanted to share actually. Let me know if you want that lesson though-I have it now!! :)

Back to the being still. What I realized was this: I am so consumed with being passively moving that I simply wander from one thing to the next thing to the next guy to the next lesson to the next whatever. I never stay in one place for long. I never stop. To be actively still requires stopping. It also requires letting go of the control I have when i am constantly moving. When I pick up my feet and go I go where I want and do what I want. Being actively still requires me to trust that God is going to do the moving. if I am still, if I stop-love will find me. Love will find me. God will begin to move. Because I'm simply resting in stillness waiting on Him. What a bizarre idea. Stop so you can be moved. As Misty Edwards says in one of her songs. This is an upside down inside out world. While this blog may seem to be a lament on my lonely single life, it's not. I'm kinda glad I'm not dragging someone else around with this :) It's more about the promise that God has been growing in me to be a messenger of the Word. I don't know what that looks like or what that means. but I am also runnign aroudn trying to be everything so maybe I'm just confused. So as I seek stillness, let's see what God does in the absence of me. By that I mean, what happens when we forget about ourself and let Him do the living? Could this dream be fulfilled? Could that other dream about being loved and loving be fulfilled? If the answer is YES-I want it to be God's YES, not mine...