Pieces

"I'm here again/A thousand miles away from you/ A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am/I tried so hard/Thought I could do this on my own/ I've lost so much along the way" - RED

I'm asking the question "Who Am I?" again. Should we be so fluid and changing in who we are? Should we be so disconnected from what we feel is our true purpose? Can we truly know our purposes? All these ideas and thoughts and flashes of soul seem to be mixing in my heart these days that beg an answer. Who am I and who should I be?

There's a beauty in brokenness to be certain. The utter loss of pride and strength required to be re-fashioned into a more clear replica of an image-bearer of Christ. But the torture of not seeing ahead and knowing what you'll look like in the end can almost override that joy at times. What more can I give up and lose to be more like You?

I'm intrigued and thirsty for the idea of "waiting on the Lord". We move too quickly these days. Always running from one place or person to another and there's never a downtime. Why? Why must we fill our lives to brimming each and every moment? Because we all know we get to a point where we have nothing left to give and we will lose it all. I prefaced all of this with the lyrics form the song "Pieces" by RED because it feels a little like an anthem to me these days. I am in pieces and completely incapable of seeing who I am right now, or even the direction to be heading. But God does see... "I've come undone/ But you make sense of who I am /Like puzzle pieces in your eye." I can't see what the picture will look like but I know I can trust in the One who does. These places of brokenness and humility and uncertainty are beautiful reminders to me that I am not the one who holds it together. I don't have the agenda or the plan. I am simply a piece of His Story and He writes my parts. When I get to this point of holding onto it all so tightly that He doesn't have the room to move as He wants, I should know by now there will be some breaking off of the vines I am growing on my own. "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." -John 15:4

So, may we abide in the Lord alone and stop growing our own vines. May we rejoice in His pruning. May we learn to love placing it all in His hands and letting Him do the moving and growing and leading.