Passion and Purpose

As I look back on the past few months and even years of my life, I realize one thing has ruled my mind and something entirely different has ruled my heart. My mind and will want ministry while my heart has been seeking after relationships. This is reflected in what I spend my time meditating on, spend my money on, talk about, cry about and read about. While I have loved ministry and know that God has a place in His story for me to play a part, I have neglected to develop that which is my purpose and should be my passion.

Today I was at a seminar for parents and youth leaders and the presenter spoke about issues relating to teens in our world today and how we can lead them into a life seeking to make godly choices. As I sat there and learned about things I see each week I am with students, I realized that I want to be a part of leading this next generation to a place where they can make a difference in this broken world for God's kingdom. I want to see students and families restored. I want to speak prophetically into the lives of young adults and see God's hand moving in their lives. All of a sudden this passion rose up in me and I saw myself poured out for God's kingdom. Just for Him. And I realized that this is not a new vision. No, I've been working with youth since 1998. Almost 10 years!?! What happened to my passion for youth? I get excited about them when I see growth. I say I want to be a light in their dark worlds. And I have wanted that for a long time. But why haven't I ever been this passionate about it?

The answer is I have chosen not to develop and cultivate this particular calling. I realize today that I fall back on my single status as a crutch for allowing myself to be downhearted, broken and vulnerable. This thinking is comfortable because the world can justify it. We live in a coupled world. Being single is not the norm, at least not for a long period of time. If I am single, this world says there is something wrong and I need to work on fixing it until it's right. So I buy books and talk about it and blah blah blah. I have been pouring into this part of my life because this world says it's not right and I need to look more like the world. Even the Christian world upholds marriage and relationships as the purpose in our lives after God. And while I do believe in my heart that someday I will have a family, I also know in my heart that this life I have needs to be lived out for God and Him alone. I can do that today by pursuing this purpose He has called me to and make it my passion.

I am coming to understand that the great speakers are the ones who speak with passion and zeal for their topics. Whether it's a salesman who knows, uses and loves his product or a religious zealot who feels called by his deity-they will be passionate about their case because they believe in it with their whole hearts. For me, this journey to passion begins with reading. I read a lot. And if we look at what I've been reading lately, we see it all stems from my desire for a relationship. However, I have many books on youth ministry as well. yet they sit collecting dust until I finish yet another book on how God loves me and I don't need a man but here's how you can get one. I'm going to start my new journey with "The Seven Checkpoints".

As I start actively seeking God's desire for me to reach this broken generation, may I be sensitive to the needs and dreams of those I come in contact with. May I cry out to God for passion beyond my imaginaton to intercede for and speak into the lives of these students. May I encourage and uplift those who cross my path. May I understand and see them with the eyes of Jesus. I am waiting, Lord. Break me, shape me, refine me, use me.