The Older the Fiddler, the Sweeter the Tune...

Yep - that's a proverb, English apparently. And today I want to embrace that idea that as I grow one more year older, I produce a sweeter tune on fiddle of life... okay, that's a little corny, but let's go with it shall we?

Yes, today is my 28th birthday and I have been dreading it for eons it feels. This is it, the year I swore I'd be married by and kids and blah blah blah - cuz my mom was my age now when she got married and had me. And while I know, truly I do, this is slightly antiquated and insane to want to be where my mom was, I still have this part in my heart that does. And before everyone starts saying "It'll happen" and "The right guy...", I'd like to make a statement. Those things are not promises of God, and they are too easily desires NOT of God that consume my life. So, let's not feed the beast, okay? I was journalling and singing and enjoying my coffee this morning and as worship songs started to mend up the holes in my overly stretched soul, I heard some beautiful things. Things like this:

• Your light will shine when all else fails
• I stand with arms high and heart abandoned
• The fog is finally clear to see the beautiful life you've given me
• And the only thing I need is a void you can fill and I'll jump ship and run even further in your will
• If I never walk on water, if I never see the miracles, if I never hear your voice so loud, well just knowing that you love me is enoguh to keep me here, just hearing those words is enough to satisfy
• I'm stained with dirt prone to depravity, and you are everything that is bright and clean, the antonym of me, you are divinity.
• From the broken earth, flowers come up

Hmm, good things, each of them. And the thing that blends them all together is that it's about God and His path, His plan, His will. will I be a mom someday? Maybe, but I'm not o nthat path today. What about law school? Certainly possible, but again, what does He have for me today? I stood in church worshipping this morning and remembered the tattoo on my wrist and what it meant, not just to me but to those I've shared the Gospel with because of it.

If I say, "I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name," there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.

So, I am reminded, I am called to be a messenger of the Lord, His voice in my world. My life should be lived as an outward reflection of His work in my heart. And is it? Well, I'm hoping it will be a more intentional pursuit of that kind of life this year as I embrace the path I AM on, and not pine for the path that I'm not.