It's a lot like Christmas

Knowing people read this blog occasionally actually keeps me aware of what I write, but today it's all heart. I struggle with "daydreaming" we'll call it for lack of a better term. Whether it's what it would be like to be a writer for a profession or a photographer or married-I dream about it. Or I did. I realized about two weeks ago this was a problem for me. I was living in my own world of what could happen instead of God's appointed world in which I am living. So, a friend and I have been keeping me accountable to guard my heart and thoughts. And I fell off the wagon a little last night.

Now, do not get me wrong, these are relatively innocent thoughts. I don't struggle terribly with sexual lust, at least not anymore. They are more of a coveting lust. And the fact that I do this actually plays right into how I'm designed as an organized (sometimes freakishly so) Type A person. If I can control the dream, I can control the outcome and thus my life. This past weekend God had a word for me about this whole cycle of processing and controlling and failing and starting again. The word was "DIE". Die to yourself. You know you can't be perfect or cause anyone else to be either. Let Me shape you, refine you, define you. Let Me "fix" you. I can grow in you everything I want you to be. Stop putting up walls and quit making 7-step programs for yourself. Just die to you, and live for Me.

Such a good word. And that plays into my next realization. I was commenting to someone about how we anticipate good things when we see what we really want. I mentioned it's like Christmas. You know what you want, and it looks like the boxes are about the right size, but the true joy comes in ripping the wrapping paper off and finally coming face to face with your desire. It's yours finally!! And we can begin appreciating what we wanted fully. But, I see in my life that I too quickly substitute what I truly want (i.e.-Godly man/husband, artistic yet communicative job, chocolate) with what I see available instead (daydreams, legal job, coffee with creamer). If I would just wait in anticipation for what I know I want, and let God move me towards it-wouldn't I be that much more excited about it? Why do I simply lie down and take what I can get instead of fighting for what I want?

Now-I am not literally fighting for these things (though maybe for the chocolate). I am fighting my own heart in a sense though. By stopping the coveting and the compromise and the general dissatisfaction in my spirit I am fighting for the joy God extends to me as a result of my relationship with Him. It wouldn't be a Cass blog without a scripture right?

“Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with my joy. I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do. Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth. I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message.

~John 17:13-20

May we fight the good fight for our joy friends...