Lately I have struggled with bitterness forming in my heart towards a particular coworker and it just doesn't get better. And today something happened yet again to just further the growth of this cancerous root of bitterness. Seriously, it's infecting every part of me. And it dawned on me that I can't remove this. I'm weak and needy, poor and lowly. I can't do what my God can do. And I need to fall on Him as the strength of my heart and portion forever. Humility, it comes in a flash.
An area I really see this terrible root growing is in singleness. As I drove to work today I was thinking of my current situation and I thought to myself, "Why would I want to love or lean on a man when I know they'll fail me anyway. I should simply love the Lord and remember that He ALONE is my refuge, my place of safety. A man cannot be that, ever." Yes, there is so much truth and joy and passion in those statements. And yes they are true of my heart and my thoughts. But even in this, I saw this strain of bitterness. Do you see it? Cynical, critical, judgmental, unforgiving... I could go on, but all these things are so far from where the Lord wants my heart to be and yet, I mask them with this seemingly "spiritual" statement that God is my portion forever. Lord-break me and shape me and destroy what I've created in me because I just don't have the heart to do it nor the strength. May I be YOUR Creation, not my own...
6 years ago
1 comment:
Hello, friend. Oh, how I know that bitter root. I am sorry it has taken such hold in your life. I'm sorry you-know-who is relentless at work. I don't understand it. I think it's an insecurity on her own part, but what do I know? Anyway, ask the Lord to remove it and then take responsibility for it yourself - he WILL help you, for "he who has promised is faithful."
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